Face it. Society tends to treat singlehood as something to suffer embarrassment over, as it allegedly signifies some form of undesirability. This is obviously completely false, yet the stigma unfortunately persists. Weddings understandably open single adults up to more scrutiny than normal. Even exceptionally well-intentioned couples can unleash a flurry of anxieties in their unattached friends and family with the wrong words and/or actions. To ensure the comfort of all once wedding time rolls around, here's a few tips for making sure the single don't feel left out or awkward.
1.) Don't force them to participate in the bouquet/garter toss. Though superstitious staples of the American wedding, many singles would prefer to not call attention to their status and opt out of participation. Brides and grooms who see their unattached friends mingling or absent during the event would do well to respect their wishes.
2.) Don't play matchmaker. Unless both parties fully (and soberly) agree to meet on matchmaking terms, slyly or blatantly trying to hook up guests is trés tacky. It's particularly disrespectful when their marital status is just about the only thing they have in common.
3.) Don't make them dance. Some couples push their single friends onto the dance floor with the hopes that one will find a lasting (or at least nightly) love. But these individuals, for whatever reason, may not necessarily enjoy boogieing. Let the ones who want to dance do so. Let the ones who do not go about their business.
4.) Don't pester if they RSVP for one. Even when there's room on the list for guests to bring a +1, some single friends may decide to forgo filling the spot. Respect their wishes and refrain from insisting they bring someone, anyone. After all, they may have recently experienced heartbreak and don't much want to be reminded of it.
5.) Don't sit them with exes. If both exes don't happen to be on stellar terms, avoid seating them in one another's vicinity. Especially if one of them has already gotten married, engaged or in a steady relationship. And double especially if one or more friends and family pine for them to reunite.
6.) Don't call attention to their age. One of the most common ways society shames singles without saying anything outright involves poking them about their age, with the implication that they best find someone and settle down soon. Many people just aren't ready at the arbitrary "deadline" – assuming they even want to marry and/or have children in the first place!
7.) Don't talk about "their turn." Another easy way to watch a single squirm at a wedding is to make mention of his or her time at the altar. Unless he or she brings up any future plans, stay mum on when or if that day will ever come. It will happen when the time and person are right. That could be a week later, never or anywhere in between.
8.) Don't mention how much you adored their old flames. Impending weddings frequently inspire musings on the loves and lives that got the couple to where they are today. Show single friends some respect and avoid discussing any of their nicer exes, especially when harboring the desire to see them pair off again someday. Like many of the other "oopsies" listed here, it does nothing but facilitate discomfort, awkwardness and needless pressure.
9.) Don't talk about how many single people were invited. Some brides and grooms hope to coax single guests into attending by luring them with the number of others in their same situation coming. It's one thing if they ask outright, of course. When volunteering the information without any sort of precedent, even the most well-intentioned friend can come off as patronizing.
10.) Don't set up a singles table. Run "singles table" through a search and read about the awkwardness and humiliation that comes from being assigned to one. Sort of like a leper colony, only built along relationship status lines. These arrangements rarely produce much beyond a "done in one" deal, which may prove fine for some, thoroughly confusing, dramatic and/or hurtful for others.
